5. Failing to save kids from themselves. Years ago when our girls were small, I had been burning the candle at both ends, working, going to graduate school, and raising the kids. My wife asked me one evening when I was planning on taking a day off. I brushed her off, but she kept asking, and wouldn’t let it go. Finally I got angry and said, “Why do you keep harping on this?” She gently smiled and took both of my hands in hers, looked me deeply in the eyes, and said, “Because you need me to.” She was right. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was right. I needed her to save me from myself. Parents, our kids need us to do that for them. We can’t let them set the agenda for their lives. We have to set limits for them: bedtimes, screening certain movies before they watch them, deciding certain movies and TV shows are simply off limits, making them bear down and do their homework, curfews — these things are simply essential if we are going to keep our children from making choices that could mess up their lives. Parents, if you don’t save your kids from themselves, who’s going to? Continue Reading…
Bad ideas=Bad living
People will live bad lives to whatever extent they have adopted bad ideas. Dr. Phil has popularized the saying, “How’s that working for you?” In other words, when you do such and such thing, which comes from such and such belief, notion, or idea, what is the usual result and is it making your life better?
People will live bad lives to whatever extent they have adopted bad ideas.
This is no new discovery. The Bible is full of passages and verses that talk about the importance of belief, the mind, and thinking in certain ways. Thirty years ago Aaron Beck founded a school of psychology called Cognitive Psychology. Cognitive Psychology begins with the assumption that most dysfunction in human life stems from faulty ideas (beliefs). Beck correctly states that if you can change a person’s ideas, you can change his behavior, because people will live bad lives to whatever extent they have adopted bad ideas.
The longer I am pastor at Wildwind and the longer I work with people in the counseling office, the truer I realize this is. The fundamental problem with people is that they often build their lives on bad ideas. And bad ideas are no respecter of persons. They tend to produce bad lives in those who build their lives on them, whether people identify themselves as religious or non-religious. Continue Reading…
Holes in the Gospel of Joe
Joe Rogan is funny. Crass, yes. Okay, maybe filthy. But I love his spirit. I wish I could live as boldly my way as Joe Rogan lives his way. But I hope, for your sake and mine, that Joe Rogan is wrong about the meaning of life and how best to live it. Of course I don’t only hope he’s wrong, I believe he is. Here is Joe Rogan’s philosophy of life, as posted on his blog (see my Disclaimer for the Sensitive page): Continue Reading…
Letters from a perfectionist
Pretty much everything I do involves teaching. And whether I am in a counseling session with someone, teaching a class at Spring Arbor University, or preaching a sermon, I have noticed that nearly everyone responds positively to perfectionism. Perfectionism is popular in America. (Perhaps other places too, but I’ve never really been anywhere else — well, okay, Mexico and Canada, but that’s cheating.) We positively exalt it. When I ask a class, or a client, or a congregation if they are perfectionists, hands shoot up like crazy. People think perfectionism is a good thing. Which is fine. Except that it’s not a good thing. Continue Reading…
My seven “One Things”
In the 1990 movie City Slickers, Jack Palance’s character Curly tells Billy Crystal’s character that ultimately life comes down to one thing. Crystal asks what it is and Curly says, “That’s what you have to figure out for yourself.” I don’t think life comes down to one thing. At least not for me. But one thing’s for sure: life is a whole lot simpler than we make it out to be. As I recently wrote in an email to my brother:
i am realizing that when I listen to my life, it says seven things: think, write, teach, drink good coffee, listen to great music, read great books, and love your family. everything else i do is the crap I have to do to keep the wheels on.
Life is easier when we know what we’re about. Since these things are what my life is about, I will spend as much of my life as I can doing these things. They are things I never get tired of, that bring me endless energy, and that allow me to pour into the lives of other people in the areas where I am most qualified to do so.
As these seven things came sharply into view for me last week, I got up from writing a blog entry one day and said out loud to myself, “That’s the last time you will ever let yourself feel as if writing is a waste of time.” When I realize that writing is one of the things I am put here to do, I will always view writing not as time spent, but as time invested in one of the callings, purposes, and loves of my life.
So there are my seven one things, the things I care most about and that bring me joy. What are your “one things?” I’d love to hear from you.
