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Archive - December, 2009

Notes from Manresa, prt. 1

December 16, 2009 in GODSTUFF with 1 Comment

This past weekend I went on a 3 day prayer retreat at Manresa Jesuit Retreat House in Bloomfield Hills.

[Short pause for those who are already prepared to dismiss everything I have to say because of my association with the Jesuits - and thereby with mysticism.  You are free to go.  Please wait in the bar.]

For those still reading, the next few entries on this blog will be from the notes I took on this retreat.  During this retreat I was not introduced to a new way of thinking about God.  That has been happening for quite a while.  What happened, though, was that it was confirmed that this is the path for me — the way to the union with God I have sought after all my life.

I am simply recording the content of my journals as I wrote it at Manresa.  It is my experience.  I am not preaching or lecturing anyone, nor am I suggesting that your journey will look the same as mine.  It is important that you understand that these posts are not presented as the final word on anything.  They represent a work deeply in progress.  They show a small part of the messy process of growth taking place in the life of one person — me.  There of course is also growth taking place here that is not shown, and there are, I’m sure, places where what looks like growth is not nearly as big a step forward as it might appear.  That is the nature of spirit.  It is one thing for us to talk about growth, another to philosophize about how growth happens, but quite another to witness a little bit of how it happens.  If these posts can help you or encourage you on your journey, then they have done all I expect of them and more.

I do not know how many posts it will take for me to get everything in, but I’m going to keep them fairly brief, and take as long as I need to take.  Here goes:

12/11/09
I arrived on the grounds at 11:40 a.m.  Just enough time to find my room and dump off my stuff before heading to the dining room for lunch.  Silence is the rule here, and though it was at first awkward to sit across the table from someone and eat in silence, I found myself quickly growing used to it and then nearly thankful for it.  After all, what would I normally dread at an event of this type?  The endless trivial chatter and small talk.  The three of us, then, ate our lunch in silence.  When I finished I stood and mouthed, “Peace to you,” as if I had previously been taught it.

After lunch I met with Father Ryan, who is good at his job, quickly honing in on keywords and working his way into my head, albeit gently.  He gave me some guidelines to follow and some scripture to read, along w/ one book, Brennan Manning’s The Furious Longing of God.  He suggested I do no other reading, preemptively countermanding what would have been my tendency to simply read all weekend and avoid prayer altogether.  Is that what I’m doing now as I write?

To Engage, or Not to Engage?

December 12, 2009 in COUNSELING with 4 Comments

Thomas Merton said that the first thing the contemplative must learn is to mind his own business.  Would the world, in general, be a better or a worse place if more people minded their own business?  How do we know when we should speak out about something, and when we should mind our own business?

In the next few paragraphs I will be referring to the word “truth” a lot.  Here I am speaking of knowledge we may have about something that we are confident someone else may need to have as well.  This knowledge may be of a spiritual nature (like knowledge about how to live well, live in peace, or to find virtue, etc.), a physical nature (like how to best manage one’s health or stay out of danger), an emotional nature (like how to keep from being hurt, left alone, or from making a decision that will have painful consequences), or a mental nature (like what is the path of wisdom, what is the right way of thinking, etc.).  For my purposes here I am not arguing whether or not the person who claims to possess truth actually does, I only wish to look at how a person can know when to share and when not to.

I propose the following five considerations. Continue Reading…

Faking It On Facebook

December 8, 2009 in REFLECTIONS with 8 Comments

I am socially awkward.  Socially I’m somewhere between Rain Man and someone just a hair less socially awkward than Rain Man. Okay, I’m not actually that socially awkward – I mean, not in the way I come off to other people.  But most social situations for me are painful.  Sometimes people say, “How can you be a preacher and feel that way?”  The answer?  I read from a manuscript.  I write down every single word I’m going to say and by the time I say those words I have thought about them for days.  I have had plenty of time to make sure I won’t say anything stupid.  This means I only feel stupid about some of what I say instead of most of what I say.  It may not show, but if I bump into you on the street corner, or after church, and we’re doing the “small talk” thing, I’m sweating it out.

Terry Scott Taylor, a brilliant songwriter and lyricist, writes of all those times he lays in bed with what he should have said.

With what I should have said I would know in advance
I’m the master of banter the King of Romance
the guy in the center whose leading the dance,
not the kid in the corner with the big pair of pants
And now I’m in bed with what I should have said

Source: Terry Scott Taylor, With What I Should Have Said

This is why I dig blogging.  And Facebook.   And email.  They are writing mediums, and as such, I am easily able to fake it.  This new world that is increasingly connected by means of the written word – that world, dear reader, is my oyster.  I can be the guy who says clever things and knows what’s up.  I can be the one who writes about stuff like marriage and parenting and living in truth, and seem like I really have it together.  I get to live out this mythology of competence and expertise.  I can take on only those topics where I am confident I can look as good as I want to look.

What is real life?  In real life I’m the gomer who doesn’t really know how to talk to people about the weather, and sports, and the traffic on I-69 this morning, and how they’re doing in their jobs.  I’m the nutty professor – the guy who can think constantly about abstract and lofty concepts and dizzy you with words and ideas.  But I suck at small talk and everyday social life is, for me, constant second-guessing and embarrassment.  But there’s a bottom line here.  If I am going to convey to people that I care about them (which I do – very deeply), I simply must keep learning how to connect with them, even if I never become comfortable with much of what is required.  As much as I’d love to text message people I’m standing directly in front of, it’s probably not a strategy for healthy relationships.  Or for avoiding getting punched in the face.

So how do you compensate?  How do you set up your life so as to avoid discomfort?  How do you insulate yourself from your fear of looking or feeling stupid?  Is there a chance you need to expose yourself a little bit more often to the very things that scare you?  Remember that it’s okay to drift toward your “sweet spot,” but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone sometimes and engage other people in ways that matter to them. This will keep your relationships strong, and strong relationships make for a happy life.

More About Truth

December 3, 2009 in GODSTUFF with 0 Comments

G.K. Chesterton, in his book “Heretics” says we are like people standing under a street lamp who begin to demand, each for his own reason, that the lamp be torn down.  A monk in the crowd suggests that before destruction commences, there should first be a discussion about the value and purpose of light.  But no discussion ensues. The people simply rip the lamp from the pavement.  Upon doing so, they congratulate themselves smugly.  Then they realize they cannot see.  They are in utter darkness.  They do not know how to get home, and cannot find those with whom they came.  They begin wildly clawing in the dark, which turns to panic, and comes to blows – people striking out in the dark, not knowing who they are striking.  Eventually everyone is tired from fighting and it dawns on them one at a time that a bit of light might be useful for various reasons (values and purposes).  Only now the lamp is torn down, and what they might have discussed before under the light, they must now discuss in the dark.

It is not just intellectuals who are interested in truth.  Normal, everyday, non-intellectual people live their lives in the pursuit of truth.  About a thousand times a year, such people come to me and ask the question, “What should I do?”  People who want to know what they should do are people who are seeking truth.  The “right” course of action is the one that aligns with the reality of the situation.  If my daughter has a horrible toothache, and I choose to take her to buy peanut brittle instead of to the dentist, I have made a wrong choice – one that contradicts the reality of the situation.  In light of my daughter’s toothache, what is the right thing to do – what is the thing that corresponds with reality as it actually IS?  Going to the dentist.  Truth is the thing that aligns with reality.

Truth matters to you in the way you live your life moment by moment.  There are realities in your marriage, realities at your job, realities in your personal and emotional life.  Those realities must be understood so that you can make accurate choices based on them.

Continue Reading…

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