December 8, 2009 in
REFLECTIONS with
I am socially awkward. Socially I’m somewhere between Rain Man and someone just a hair less socially awkward than Rain Man. Okay, I’m not actually that socially awkward – I mean, not in the way I come off to other people. But most social situations for me are painful. Sometimes people say, “How can you be a preacher and feel that way?” The answer? I read from a manuscript. I write down every single word I’m going to say and by the time I say those words I have thought about them for days. I have had plenty of time to make sure I won’t say anything stupid. This means I only feel stupid about some of what I say instead of most of what I say. It may not show, but if I bump into you on the street corner, or after church, and we’re doing the “small talk” thing, I’m sweating it out.
Terry Scott Taylor, a brilliant songwriter and lyricist, writes of all those times he lays in bed with what he should have said.
With what I should have said I would know in advance
I’m the master of banter the King of Romance
the guy in the center whose leading the dance,
not the kid in the corner with the big pair of pants
And now I’m in bed with what I should have said
Source: Terry Scott Taylor, With What I Should Have Said
This is why I dig blogging. And Facebook. And email. They are writing mediums, and as such, I am easily able to fake it. This new world that is increasingly connected by means of the written word – that world, dear reader, is my oyster. I can be the guy who says clever things and knows what’s up. I can be the one who writes about stuff like marriage and parenting and living in truth, and seem like I really have it together. I get to live out this mythology of competence and expertise. I can take on only those topics where I am confident I can look as good as I want to look.
What is real life? In real life I’m the gomer who doesn’t really know how to talk to people about the weather, and sports, and the traffic on I-69 this morning, and how they’re doing in their jobs. I’m the nutty professor – the guy who can think constantly about abstract and lofty concepts and dizzy you with words and ideas. But I suck at small talk and everyday social life is, for me, constant second-guessing and embarrassment. But there’s a bottom line here. If I am going to convey to people that I care about them (which I do – very deeply), I simply must keep learning how to connect with them, even if I never become comfortable with much of what is required. As much as I’d love to text message people I’m standing directly in front of, it’s probably not a strategy for healthy relationships. Or for avoiding getting punched in the face.
So how do you compensate? How do you set up your life so as to avoid discomfort? How do you insulate yourself from your fear of looking or feeling stupid? Is there a chance you need to expose yourself a little bit more often to the very things that scare you? Remember that it’s okay to drift toward your “sweet spot,” but it’s important to move out of your comfort zone sometimes and engage other people in ways that matter to them. This will keep your relationships strong, and strong relationships make for a happy life.
December 3, 2009 in
GODSTUFF with
G.K. Chesterton, in his book “Heretics” says we are like people standing under a street lamp who begin to demand, each for his own reason, that the lamp be torn down. A monk in the crowd suggests that before destruction commences, there should first be a discussion about the value and purpose of light. But no discussion ensues. The people simply rip the lamp from the pavement. Upon doing so, they congratulate themselves smugly. Then they realize they cannot see. They are in utter darkness. They do not know how to get home, and cannot find those with whom they came. They begin wildly clawing in the dark, which turns to panic, and comes to blows – people striking out in the dark, not knowing who they are striking. Eventually everyone is tired from fighting and it dawns on them one at a time that a bit of light might be useful for various reasons (values and purposes). Only now the lamp is torn down, and what they might have discussed before under the light, they must now discuss in the dark.
It is not just intellectuals who are interested in truth. Normal, everyday, non-intellectual people live their lives in the pursuit of truth. About a thousand times a year, such people come to me and ask the question, “What should I do?” People who want to know what they should do are people who are seeking truth. The “right” course of action is the one that aligns with the reality of the situation. If my daughter has a horrible toothache, and I choose to take her to buy peanut brittle instead of to the dentist, I have made a wrong choice – one that contradicts the reality of the situation. In light of my daughter’s toothache, what is the right thing to do – what is the thing that corresponds with reality as it actually IS? Going to the dentist. Truth is the thing that aligns with reality.
Truth matters to you in the way you live your life moment by moment. There are realities in your marriage, realities at your job, realities in your personal and emotional life. Those realities must be understood so that you can make accurate choices based on them.
Continue Reading…
November 22, 2009 in
GODSTUFF with
Today I was not the person I want to be. Come to think of it, I wasn’t that person yesterday either. I’m tired. I haven’t been feeling well. Every time I try to sleep, some noise in the house wakes me up, and God forbid that the maker of the noise should be someone in my family, or she is sure to find herself on the receiving end of something she almost certainly does not deserve. I have been downright insufferable, like a two year old who gets so tired he cannot sleep, cannot be kind, cannot relax, cannot take directions, and cannot accept the love of those who just want him to be well. Lately I dread the thought of moving, or trying to accomplish anything. I simply cannot stand myself. At least my family can go in the other room and close the door. I have tried that, but no matter where I go there I am, and I continue to strongly dislike the company.
I cannot accept what I need most. I get in these funks and I push people away. I’ll bet I’m not the only one. Most of us are blessed to be surrounded by people who care about us and just want us well, and most of us get into these dark spaces where instead of receiving that love, we reject it. We prefer, for some sick reason, our tension and anger and darkness. God help me that I am such a person, that I have times where I willfully retreat into darkness and illusion instead of allowing those I love to keep me grounded in the truth. The truth is simply that I am loved. I am loved more than my wife and children can express to me, and I mean more to them than I even understand. I am the recipient of the most abundant grace and yet, in the times when I need it most, I cower in shadows, refusing to be loved, even going out of my way to be unlovable.
This is my deepest problem. It is the deepest problem of nearly all human beings. We are in various forms of rebellion and refusal to accept our true identity as the ones who are dearly loved of God.
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November 16, 2009 in
MISCELLANY with
November 16, 2009 in
MISCELLANY with
MichaelHyatt
I just tried to upgrade Microsoft Office. It crashed my Mac. I used to be a fan of Microsoft.
Twitter / Home
Above is a recent Tweet from Michael Hyatt who runs one of my favorite blogs at http://michaelhyatt.com. First of all, I’m no Microsoft fan-boy by any stretch of the imagination. Last year I put Linux (first Kubuntu, then Ubuntu) on all my PC’s and would be running it now, except the software I use most often cannot be run on Linux. Having said that, this Tweet struck me as odd, yet typical of a Mac user. It seems with Mac users, crashes and other computer issues are always Microsoft’s fault!
In this case, we have Microsoft software and an Apple computer. A problem arises. Blame goes to: MICROSOFT! Yet when I talk to Mac users and tell them about a computer problem I have had, they nearly always tell me I should get a Mac, as if it MUST be the hardware. As if that problem would NEVER have happened on a Mac.
I’m perfectly open to the idea that perhaps in Hyatt’s case, the problem really was the software. Hyatt writes a lot on productivity and seems to know his way around a computer, so perhaps he really knows this is the problem. But the Tweet still embodies what I generally see in the Mac community, which is resistance to admitting that Apple hardware might be responsible for a problem.
Just once I’d love to come across a post on the Internet saying, “My Mac is broken – AGAIN!!” You know it happens. By the law of averages, it has to. It makes you wonder if when you buy a Mac, you sign a legal agreement stating that you will never post anything negative about Apple. Or say it to anyone in private with the shades drawn. Or even think it.
The other interesting thing in Hyatt’s post is that he used to be a fan of Microsoft. The only Microsoft fan you’ll find among most Mac users is a reformed one – the kind that used to be.
To end this post and put it in perspective, I love the cult-like atmosphere Apple engenders among its users. If you have read Jim Collins’ Good to Great, you know this is something great companies do, creating feverish enthusiasm and devotion around everything they do. This in itself is a big part of the Mac vibe. Still, I can’t help but await eagerly a Tweet one day from a Mac user that says, “I just tried to upgrade to Microsoft Office. It crashed my Mac. I used to be a fan of Apple.”
When hell freezes over.
Update from Hyatt:
MichaelHyatt
I rebooted my computer and installed Microsoft Office 12.2.3. It worked “as advertised” this time. All is well.
