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Archive - 2010

P is for Progress

I am currently blogging, along with my daughter, all the way through the alphabet. Check out how the idea started, and get the rules here.

James Fowler is best known for his pioneering work on stages of faith, showing how faith progresses over time.  Here is my summary of his faith stages:

Stage 1, ages 3-7 — The first stage of faith is characterized by imagination unrestrained by logic.  At this age, Santa and Jesus both exist primarily in the imagination.  Of course so also does the bogey-man and thus this stage of faith commonly features both imaginary delights and imaginary terrors.

Stage 2 — This stage is characterized by belief that the universe is a just place.  Bad people will always be punished, and good people will always be rewarded.  Myths are not understood as myths but as actual events, because the person at this stage has not yet developed the capability of extracting and understanding general principles.  This faith stage is characteristic of school children, but some adults remain at this stage all of their lives.  People at this stage tend to be rigid and perfectionistic.

Stage 3 — The vast majority of adults find their permanent home in this stage.  Here faith becomes central, adding a sense of meaning and purpose to one’s life.  It is characterized by conformity, where one finds identity and comfort by aligning one’s self with a certain way of thinking.  Once one has done this, one then lives according to this perspective, with very little ability to see the perspective itself clearly as a world view.  At this stage one might not even understand that one’s beliefs constitute a “world view,” but will instead take it for granted that what one believes is simply “the way it is,” believing that those who do not share the same views are ignorant, or morally inferior.  This is why fundamentalism always looks the same, whether you are talking about fundamentalist Christians, Muslims, Scientists, or whatever.  In all cases, the position is, “I bear the truth, and you do not — therefore you are ignorant, depraved…” etc.

Stage 4 — Many people living comfortably in stage 3 suddenly find themselves faced with a crisis that seems too big for their faith to respond to, or they are confronted with evil on such a personal level that they can no longer take comfort in the faith that used to work for them.  Other times people become aware of religious hypocrisy on the part of themselves or others that they cannot explain.  Sometimes people simply become deeply disillusioned with the responses that faith often gives to science and to difficult issues like suffering.  At this point they either shrink back into rigid stage 2 or 3 faith, or else they move into Stage 4, which is characterized usually by doubt, uncertainty, and questioning (and usually the corresponding emotional and mental suffering that come with such things).  Some may begin to identify as skeptics/atheists/agnostics.  Others don’t know how to identify with faith anymore and continue to struggle, although no longer within the ranks of a faith “family” from which they once drew comfort.

Stage 5 — Assuming one does not fall back into the fundamentalism of earlier stages, or remain in the doubt and skepticism of stage 4, one will move on to stage 5.  Here the individual begins to make room for mystery and paradox.  One no longer needs certainty and clarity.  The person with stage 5 faith, in fact, begins to realize that this, essentially, is what faith is — not having all the answers, and not insisting that one must have them.  One comes to see quite clearly that his previous faith, though sincere, was faith more in an organization or institution or doctrinal statement than in a mysterious and transcendent yet imminent God.

Stage 6 — I’ll let Fowler speak for himself here:

Persons described by stage six typically exhibit qualities that shake our usual criteria of normalcy. Their heedlessness to self-preservation and the vividness of their taste and feel for transcendent moral and religious actuality give their actions and words an extraordinary and often unpredictable quality. In their devotion to universalizing compassion they may offend our parochial perceptions of justice. In their penetration through the obsession with survival, security, and significance they threaten our measured standards of righteousness and goodness and prudence. Their enlarged visions of universal community disclose the partialness of our tribes and pseudo-species. And their leadership initiatives, often involving strategies of nonviolent suffering and ultimate respect for being, constitute affronts to our usual notions of relevance.” (Fowler, 200)

Sounds an awful lot like Jesus to me.  And isn’t it interesting that not one universally respected religious figure has ever been a fundamentalist?  From Jesus to Buddha to Gandhi to Martin Luther King, Jr. to Nelson Mandela to Desmond Tutu to Mother Teresa to Billy Graham — not one.  Stage 2 and 3 faith simply do not allow to grow into reality the kind of love that Jesus taught.  A person in stage 2 or 3 might speak of it, claim to believe in it, and passionately and sincerely attempt to live it out, but will ultimately be constrained and prevented from doing so by their own vision of the world — their own way of seeing, understanding, and practicing faith.

It is interesting that many religious martyrs throughout history have been killed not by evil pagans, but by well-meaning people at earlier stages of faith, who were shaken to the core and deeply threatened by the seemingly sacrilegious and heretical vision of the world these strange people held to.  The crucifixion of Jesus is a perfect example of this.  Of course some of the people calling for his death were clearly malevolent but clearly most were ordinary, observant religious people who sincerely believed they were doing God a favor by getting rid of Jesus.  The same, of course, is true for hundreds of people burned at the stake by the Catholic Church in the middle ages.

The church often speaks deeply and meaningfully to those at the lower stages of faith, but tends to organize so as to actively prevent people from moving through stage 4 and onto the later stages.  This, I believe, is what Jesus was referring to when he said to the religious leaders of his time:

“You have a fine way of setting aside the commands of God in order to observe your own traditions.”
Mark 7:9 (NIV)

View Kyra’s P post

Top Movies of This Year

I am a huge fan of music and movies.  While some people are trying to trim down the amount of time they spend watching TV, I plan to spend more time watching great TV and movies in 2011.  It’s something that just really brings me joy, I think because it’s something I can do either alone or with company and I enjoy it equally.

Following is a list of the ten movies I enjoyed the most this year.  All of these movies were not necessarily made this past year, these are simply films I have watched in the past year.  I am sure I have forgotten many that would otherwise be on the list, but I like the ten I managed to remember.  I will not waste space summarizing the films here, but have linked each film to its entry in the Internet Movie Database.

They are, in no particular order:

The Kingdom — This film starring Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner didn’t do very well either with critics or in theaters.  Many people seemed to feel the movie aspired to things it was not able to achieve.  As for me, I think it is pretentious when people try to guess what a film was aspiring to.  I think we should judge movies by what shows up on screen.  And what shows up on screen in The Kingdom is tight, tense, and taut.  In fact, The Kingdom has the most intense opening 20 minutes of any film I have ever seen.  The ending is no slouch either. If you take it for what it is, The Kingdom will make you feel something.

Defiance — Daniel Craig stars in this film about brothers who help hundreds of people live in the forest for several years to escape the Nazis.  A gripping exploration of revenge, resistance, and the challenges of both leadership and followership.  Heart-rending and violent.

Inglourious Basterds — If you like Quentin Tarrantino movies, you’ll probably love this movie. It contains all the violence you might expect in a Tarrantino film, and an old-west style soundtrack that adds a surreal element to the action.  Brad Pitt stars, but is definitely not the star of this film.  Best supporting actor Oscar went to Christoph Waltz for one of the best performances I have ever seen committed to film.  The movie is worth watching for him alone.

Love and Other Drugs – If you’re the kind of person who thinks that the presence of a naked person (or sex, or F-bombs) in a movie is a deal-breaker, avoid Love and Other Drugs.  Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal are having sex through a considerable portion of the first 1/2 of the film.  On the other hand, the film is actually about two people who, for different reasons, are not capable of being in a committed relationship.  Sex is a crutch for both of them, and as the film moves forward and you see how deeply broken both characters are — especially Hathaway’s — you can’t help but put the whole sex thing into a very different context.  Ultimately this movie is about the salvation of both of these characters.  I found it deeply moving and insightful and powerful.  It is no spoiler to mention that Hathaway’s character is dealing with early-onset Parkinson’s disease and simply does not feel it is fair to ask someone to love her and take on the burden of caring for her for the rest of her life.  As someone with MS, I have been there at various times.  It was moving to see those struggles portrayed in such an honest way.  Well worth the time and money, despite some gratuitous/ridiculous stuff.

Let The Right One In — If you’d have told me six months ago that one of my favorite films this year would be a vampire movie, I’d have never believed it.  I’m not a huge fan of the genre.  I don’t read books about vampires.  I’m not into the culture.  But this movie was creepy, touching, truly disturbing in some places, and featured this kind of quiet, low-lying dread that it managed to effectively sustain through the entire film.

American Teen — If you liked The Breakfast Club, you’ll probably like American Teen.  The former is, of course, one of the movies that defined teen culture in the mid-80′s.  The latter, almost as effectively, does the same at the end of the first decade of 2000.   The difference between the two is that American Teen is a documentary.  I enjoyed the film, but unfortunately what I took away most from it is how many crappy parents are out there.

The Men Who Stare At Goats — I barely know what to say about this film.  Either you’ll get it and love it, or you’ll think it’s one of the stupidest films you have ever seen.  If you have liked other movies by the Coen brothers (No Country for Old Men, Fargo, Barton Fink, etc.), chances are good you’ll like this one.  Clooney is brilliant in this film, playing a character unlike anything he has played before or since.  I laughed out loud over and over again.

District 9 —  This is a thought-provoking and compelling film about what happens when earth is visited by aliens, and how humans respond to the visit.

Green Zone — I like Matt Damon.  He’s terrific in this film set in Iraq.  The movie is almost non-stop action.  If you’re not a “talky” kind of person when it comes to movies and just want it to keep moving, this is the film for you.

Invictus — An inspiring movie about one of the most inspiring human beings of the last 100 years: Nelson Mandela.  Clint Eastwood rarely missteps when he makes movies and, like most of his other films, this one has a lot to say about a lot of the things that make us human.  A lot of this movie revolves around soccer, while still managing to be highly inspiring.  Now that is an accomplishment.

What do you think?  Agree?  Disagree?  I’d love to hear your comments.

O is for Orthodoxy

I am currently blogging, along with my daughter, all the way through the alphabet. Check out how the idea started, and get the rules here.

Don’t be afraid!  The word Orthodoxy probably scares a lot of people.  Orthodoxy is simply the state of holding right beliefs.

Sound in opinion or doctrine, especially in religious doctrine; hence, holding the Christian faith; believing the doctrines taught in the Scriptures; — opposed to heretical and heterodox; as, an orthodox Christian. [1913 Webster]

The older I get, and the further I go on my spiritual journey, the more this notion bothers me.  It is so obvious that it barely deserves mention, but I must mention this because billions of people are now living as if this is not true: there is no one, proven, universally acknowledged/understood/accepted way to live, believe, or understand holy scripture.

My leader and spiritual guide, Jesus, came to a people who thought they had all their theology down and showed them that their certainty was actually making it harder for them to see him for who he was and to hear him clearly.  The Christian religion sprung up, presumed to codify and clarify everything Jesus taught, declare that the Jews didn’t get it, and crown itself as the new group to which God had truly revealed himself.  Same ditch.  Other side of the road.  Proof?  The lives, behaviors, and practices of most people today who call themselves Christians.

This very certainty — this very sense that we get it, that we are the possessors of the correct understanding of God — surely must be as dangerous to us today as it was to the Jews 2000 years ago, or to anyone who presumes to have it all figured out.  This is the reason I do not engage people in theological debate on this blog.  It is not because I do not have my opinions on things and not because I do not know how to “defend” them.  It is because I reject the very assumptions upon which most of these debates are based — the ideas that a) the faith journey is primarily about rightness and wrongness of belief; b) someone else’s perspective on a Biblical issue can in some way “prove” that my perspective is incorrect (which is possible, of course, only if I accept and understand that person’s interpretation and assumptions upon which it is based); c) someone else gets to decide whether or not I “get it” and whether I’m really with God, based on their assumptions.  I don’t care to argue the details.  I’d love to argue the assumptions, but very few people are interested in doing anything with assumptions other than assuming them, taking them for granted, and then building elaborate systems of belief on them, precarious as they may be.  We can argue about details all day, but when we start dealing with the assumptions on which they are based, that’s where things start getting scary.

The state of theological debate in the Christian community reminds me of two lovers who stand yelling at one another, “I love you, dammit!”  ”No, dammit, it is I who loves YOU.”  ”No, I love you, dammit!”  ”Ridiculous!  It is you who are loved by me, dammit!,” with each of them making lists of why their love should be self-evident to the other person and how they are therefore entitled to resent the other for not acknowledging/noticing their love more profoundly.  It is truly a ridiculous exercise and sure to lead to nothing but increasing hostility as each so loudly declares their “love” for the other.  Of course at some point one of the lovers says, “We should be arguing in love,” to which the other wholeheartedly agrees.  The furious debate commences now, only without use of the word “dammit,” as if it is merely the word and not the entire conversation that is without love.

What have you accepted as orthodox?  Who made that decision for you?

Where is God?

View Kyra’s O post

N is for Narcissism

I am currently blogging, along with my daughter, all the way through the alphabet. Check out how the idea started, and get the rules here.
I am a narcissist.

So are you.

I don’t mean I have a psychiatric disorder.  I don’t mean I stand in front of a mirror admiring myself for hours every day.  I don’t mean that I lack a healthy respect, and even love, for others.  My narcissism is a garden-variety type, which is of course why I’m sure that you are a narcissist too.

My narcissism often blinds me to my own faults.  My narcissism is what is behind an assumption I often make that my perspective is the “right” one.  This assumption is so deep that I don’t even realize I’m assuming anything.  I assume my own rightness, and the superiority of my way of being in the world, at the same level that you are assuming, at this moment, that you will not lose anyone you love before the day is over.  The assumptions we don’t realize we are making are the deepest and most powerful ones.

Many of my frustrations with other people (though not all of them) arise from my narcissism — “what a wonderful world it would be if everyone else were more like me.”  My narcissism is at the root of most of my frustration with life.  After all, I get upset when I have had a bad day because something in me feels like I deserve to have only good days.  If I did not feel this way, the occasional bad day would not upset me.  I sometimes take offense when someone disagrees with me because in some ways I continue to believe the world revolves around me and that everyone ought to agree with my opinions and perspectives.  My narcissism is, of course, at the root of arguments I sometimes have with my wife.

Doubtless you can see some of these same things at work in your own life.  So what is the “cure” for our narcissism?  How do we address it?  I am convinced it begins with forgiveness.  We must forgive ourselves for not being as good as we think we ought to be.  We must forgive the world for not serving up perfect days for us each day.  We must forgive others for falling short of our expectations.  And we even must forgive God for being the center of the universe instead of ourselves.  Forgiveness is always a type of letting go.  It is not simply giving up.  Forgiveness is not simply rolling our eyes and saying “whatever.”  There is no bitterness or sarcasm in true forgiveness.  There is no resentment.  (If we ever forgive someone in order to get back at them or make them feel bad, we haven’t forgiven them — we have assaulted them passively.)  Forgiveness always carries gentleness and grace and healing in its wings.  Forgiveness says, “I’m not okay, and you’re not okay — and that’s okay,” and learns to live in this truth.

To move out of narcissism is to learn to forgive — to live with open hands — to not hang on so tightly to the things we believe are rightfully ours — to not insist that the view from our tiny corner of the world is the only valid one and that everyone else must share it or else run afoul of our expectations.  Once an old man was asked by a younger man what he believed was the secret to the longevity of his marriage.  He replied, “Four words.”

“What are the words?” asked the  younger man.

The old man, smiling, said “You might be right.”

View Kyra’s N post

M is for Marriage

I am currently blogging, along with my daughter, all the way through the alphabet. Check out how the idea started, and get the rules here.

Things I have learned about marriage over the past 22 1/2 years.

  • Marriage is more about becoming the right person than finding the right person
  • Marriage is the hardest place in the world to be the right person, because you are so invested in it and failures can be so frustrating and embarrassing
  • Because the above is true, marriage is the best place to learn how to receive grace
  • The closeness of marriage sometimes feels like being wrapped up in a warm blanket on a cold night, all comforting and familiar and peaceful.
  • Other times the closeness of marriage feels like trying to ride a bicycle in an elevator, all awkward and frustrating and bumping into each other every time you turn around
  • A lot of the time — far more than you ever imagined when you got married — marriage just feels normal.  Until you one day realize that being surrounded most moments of your life by your favorite people on earth, coming home to their hugs and kisses, having people miss you when you are away, sharing meals together, worshiping together, laughing together, and crying together is what has become “normal” to you, so actually “on top of the world and this is as good as life is ever gonna get” has become the new normal
  • Marriage is a fantastic thing to get into if you’re looking for someone to blame for all your shortcomings
  • Marriage is a fantastic way to find out who your shortcomings actually belong to
  • Marriage is the best place to learn the following things: forgiveness, patience, trust, faithfulness, and when to not go there — after, of course, you have learned — usually with much pain — where the places are that you are better off not going
  • The default state of marriage, like everything else, is atrophy.  Every marriage will fall apart unless both partners work to keep it alive and meaningful.
  • When you see a marriage that has lasted a long time, it is not because those people “got lucky.”  Those two people have worked their butts off and weathered more storms than you can imagine — unless, of course, you too are in a marriage that has lasted a long time.  In which case, you probably don’t think that people who have been in marriages a long time just happened to get lucky.
  • Marriage can be measured by how many caskets you have stood next to together, how many weddings you have attended, how many crises you have suffered through together, how many times you have given each other knowing looks over something your children have said or done, and how many times you have each been certain that you were finally, for good and forever, out of money.
  • Show me somebody in a marriage who thinks he/she is God’s gift to the other person and I’ll show you somebody in an immature relationship.  You are on the road to marital success when you realize how fortunate and blessed you are to have found somebody to marry your sorry butt and stick with you all these years.  Marriage is not about thinking you are God’s gift to your partner — it is realizing that your partner is God’s gift to you.
  • Marriage is where you learn, beyond all doubt, that love is not a feeling, but an action.  I can tell my wife I feel a certain way about her all day long, but sometimes it’s better to shut up and help fold the laundry.
  • Marriage can’t be captured with any number of bulleted points.

And with that, we are half way through the alphabet!

View Kyra’s M post

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