Archive - May, 2010


Nostalgia

May 24, 2010 in REFLECTIONS with 1 Comment

There are no friends like old friends. It’s cliche, but of course true in that way cliches often are. The older I get, the more comfort I am finding in friends I have known a long time.

The fact is, I’m at that age where the “padding” between death and me is beginning to disappear. The baby boomers are retiring and moving into their golden years. That would be my parents and all of their friends. My wife has lost her mom and both of her “second moms” all in this past year.

When you start losing the generation immediately ahead of you, death seems to scream, “You’re up!” We probably have a while, but pretty soon our buffer will be gone and we’ll truly be the next in line. I’m not writing this to be morbid, and as I write I feel no despair. I’m just making an observation — one that I think explains the increasing nostalgia I feel as I get older. Continue Reading…

On The Selling Out

May 24, 2010 in GODSTUFF with 3 Comments

In a recent post I said that I have recently faced the fact that I am a hopeless believer.  It was a new discovery when I wrote it, but I have now had a couple weeks to see how this might play out in my life.

John Eldrege wrote in one his books, “Let the world feel the weight of who you are.”  Because I have discovered my identity as a hopeless believer, I have recently found it in myself to do just that.  I used to obsess about non-Christians understanding me.  I wanted everyone to think me a rational person.  I wanted respect from all non-Christians and to feel like they thought of me as intelligent even though I was a Christian.  I didn’t want non-believers to think ill of me for any reason.  I was so sensitive to this that I would listen to a non-believer ramble on and on about his/her beliefs and would remain relatively quiet about my own.  I would rarely invite anyone to my church because I didn’t want to offend or make anyone uncomfortable.  I was an apologist for Christianity in the worst way.  Christian apologetics, properly understood, is simply defending and arguing for belief in Christ as the way to God, and all that that entails.  But I was not really this kind of apologist.  Instead, I felt like my life had to be an apology for all the wrongs done by all Christians to all non-Christians throughout all history.

I am finished with that.  I’m done with Christian guilt.  In Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller describes setting up a confession booth on the campus of a liberal university.  But instead of hearing confession, he was the confessor, apologizing for two thousand years of abuses by Christians and the Christian church.  Though part of me admires this, part of me has decided I’m done apologizing.  Do things differently?  Absolutely.  Point to a new way of understanding God as a Christian?  Count me in.  Let go of the prejudice that has plagued Christianity for so long?  Sign me up.  Apologize for wrongs committed by others who call themselves Christians?  Not so much anymore. 

Every time a white person commits a crime, do I feel the need to apologize for my race?  Every time a left-handed person says something idiotic, do I feel a need to appear extra intelligent on behalf of left-handers everywhere?  Do I feel a need to be extra intelligent in order to compensate for the presence of stupid bald guys in the world?  Of course not. 

You could say that in a sense I am coming out.  Having realized I am a hopeless believer, that I could not disbelieve if I wanted to, I have found freedom to be who I am.  I do believe in a universe created by a God who cares for us and wants to know us.  I really do believe that Jesus Christ came as the embodiment of God and that his death was the price for my sin and for yours.  I do believe in a life of constant transformation as we seek God through prayer and other spiritual disciplines.  I do believe in the church as the hope of the world when it’s at its best.

As others talk about their beliefs, I will talk about mine.  I will not worry about offending non-believers with my faith anymore than most non-believers worry about offending me with their lack of it.  It’s not that I have come to respect others less, it’s that I have finally decided to respect myself equally.  Not more, but equally.

I have carried a deep peace with me since discovering this.  A conflict that raged up in me almost 20 years ago has finally begun to settle.  Because of that, the world will feel the weight of who I am.  Not everyone will like that.  And I can accept it.

In search of “Sandi’s”

May 24, 2010 in REFLECTIONS with 1 Comment

Thank you for the incredibly warm and supportive comments I have received from many of you on this blog, via email, in person, etc., with regard to my last post about the loss of my friend Sandi.  Her funeral is Tuesday and I’m already beginning to think a lot about it, feeling deeply sad, and nervous about how hard that day is going to be.  My wife and I and three other of Sandi’s friends from high school choir will be singing a beautiful piece at the funeral.

Though I hated the occasion that brought us together, I cannot describe the warmth I felt having Beth and Kim and Jeff in my home today.  Three more choir/band friends.  Three more people I love and care about.  Three that I have NOT lost.  Three into whom I will be investing more of my time and energy, more of my prayers, and more of my love.

Losing Sandi has got me to thinking about all my other “Sandi’s.”  Of course Sandi was one of a kind, but I have other people in my life for whom I have very deep affection; people who, if I were to lose them today, I would be devastated — but people who, like Sandi, I do not see very often.  Of course we can’t maintain close contact with everybody (seriously, thank God for Facebook in this regard), but in the coming days I will be thinking about the people in my life who I already love — the people who are most special to me, that I simply do not see that often and want to prioritize spending more time with.

After group practice today, Kim and Beth stayed at the piano and practiced a duet they are doing.  It was an incredibly beautiful piece, but even more beautiful was having them in my home and hearing them sing.  I want more moments like that in my life.  I want there to be fewer dear people to whom my attachment and connection is occasional, however sweet it may be.  I want to spend more time in the presence of people who I love, who know and love me deeply, who never expect me to explain myself, who “get me” and love me for who I am, to whom I am not this title or that title (pastor, professor, counselor, etc.), but just Dave — just a regular guy.

I am never happier than in those moments.  Never.  As an introvert, those friendships that go back all the way to high school and earlier are like well-worn shoes.  They fit comfortably, they don’t need any breaking in, you know just what to expect, and it’s all good.

There’ll never be another Sandi.  But I want to be more intentional about spending more time with the people I love most deeply — while we’re still at least somewhat young and beautiful.  :-)  Pat and Rita Hale, no reason we don’t see you more often.  Mike and Sheryl — more dinners and movies please.  Delynne and Lisa — more time in your presence!  Jeff Jackson — let’s hang out, man.  Kimi — you’re family and you know it, and you always will be.  Beth, what can I say?  I treasure you more than words can express.  Dawn Marra — you’re tops and I STILL haven’t seen you since you moved back to Davison!  Cindy and Corey — maybe only once every summer or two, but let’s keep it going.  Laura – so glad to be in touch with you again!

I guess this is my way of trying to focus on all the people I love who are still here.  But when I do that, I then have to ask myself why I am not seeing you more often, and there isn’t really a very good excuse.  You know what?  Every single one of you — either in choir, or connected to someone in choir.  Seriously, my friends.  Let’s spend some time together.  Let us say a last goodbye to our friend Sandi, and then let us be together once in a while.  When we are together, Sandi’s spirit will be with us.

QUESTION: Who are the “Sandi’s” in your life?

Religion/Politics

May 8, 2010 in GODSTUFF with 1 Comment

I have been inspired and deeply challenged in the last few months by the writings and lectures of Fr. Richard Rohr.  At every turn he is forcing me to rethink things I once took for granted.  Below is a repost of a recent daily devotional I received from him.

How can I be of and with the poor?

We can no longer be satisfied by simply being the Church for the poor from our position of establishment.  We must realize that sometimes that very generosity, that very attempt to be good to other people, has kept us in a position of power and superiority.  Somehow we must be of and with the poor, and then be ready for some mistrust and even criticism.

Dom Helder Camara (1909-1999), the holy Archbishop of Recife, Brazil, said it so truthfully, “As long as I fed the poor, they called me a saint.  When I asked, ‘Why are there so many poor people?’ they called me a communist.”

Source: Fr. Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditations

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