May 21, 2012 in
MISCELLANY with
Expect to bury something. You’ll either bury your fear in faith or bury your talents in fear. — Ann Voscamp
Thanks to the large number of you who have continued checking out the blog regularly. I realize the frequency of posts has been way down, even since I returned from my sabbatical. I was not able to finish the whole book while I was gone and so most of my available time has been spent trying to get it finished up.
Fear is my constant companion. I sent a “guest post” to a very successful leadership blog today and found fear lapping around my ankles. I keep worrying that something is going to expose me as a fraud, an impostor, a joke. Sounds severe, I know, but every writer has these fears. We can succeed for a while to push them out, but they always come galloping back again, threatening to take us down. No amount of reassurance seems to quell them. That because they live in a place no one can reach — my own sense of value. Let me show you.
- I know I am a good writer
- I know I am a better writer than most
- I know I am a deeper thinker than many, and that I can capture complex ideas in fairly simple writing
- I know I love people dearly and write in a voice that is compassionate and patient
- I know I have something to say
- I know my work could help people live better lives (because I see it all the time)
My fears aren’t about any of this. My fears are about everything I know above going unrecognized, about my work not being seen by anyone in a position to help my dreams materialize. And yet ultimately I cannot write to be published, or simply to be successful, and certainly not to make money.
Speaking of money and success, I have read that the odds of writing a New York Times bestseller are 1 in 220 [divinecaroline.com]. Not bad odds, really. And yet fear is always lurking. It must be brushed back every time I sit down to write. No wonder most people never achieve anything great, and I say that not with criticism but with compassion. It’s hard. Even getting started in earnest has taken me 43 years.
Currently the manuscript that I have finished (all but two chapters) is being read and edited by two close friends and I will start sending out my proposal to publishers in two weeks after I have had a chance to incorporate the edits.
Question: How are you facing your fears? What passion do you have that will require you to brush back fear constantly? What will the world lose if you don’t face that challenge?
May 16, 2012 in
COUNSELING, GODSTUFF with
I preach and write a lot about looking at your own flaws and leaving other people alone. Nearly every time I do someone says to me, “But there comes a time when you have to stand up for yourself. You don’t want to be a wimp and let people walk all over you.”
Of course there’s a point to that somewhere. But perhaps the reason I lean so far the other direction is because the easiest thing in the world for me to do is “stand up for myself.” When I’m upset or offended, the first thing I want to do is lash out, verbally, and sometimes even physically. I find it takes far more guts to keep quiet than it does to speak out. Continue Reading…
May 15, 2012 in
GODSTUFF with
3:39 pm. Tired, but sleep is not coming. The noise of my fan seems like a violent insult over the thick blanket of silence in this place. Right now I cannot imagine three days of this. I just want something – anything – to do. I want to go home.
4:08 pm. Feels like detox. Finally gave in and cued up Rich Mullins’ A Liturgy, A Legacy, and A Ragamuffin Band. Am I praying now? Right here, in these thoughts of dread and burden? What could/does God want me to know right now? According to Rich, at this instant, “Peace of Christ to you.”
I’ve been here less than five hours, but consumed already by thoughts of my family. Starting to feel very hungry, as I ate a light lunch because I grabbed food on my way here.
Why do I tire of this God thing? Others can worship for countless hours, but I get bored and sick of it. I think I can’t maintain anything very long that isn’t hopelessly cerebral.
I want to go home. I’d rather be anywhere than here. If I were to get in the car and drive home, I know what I’d be driving to. But what would I be running from? That is what I have to stay to find out.
4:28 pm. Some people’s biggest problem is that no one loves them. Most people’s biggest problem is that, though deeply loved, we often act as though we are alone and unloved. That is me. In my work with teenage girls, I have often found myself saying to them, “You are sitting now next to your father – the man who already loves you like no man on this earth will ever love you. Why won’t you let him?” The answer – deep wounds and hurts that prevent it. Anger and resentment toward him for not being who she thought he was, and who she thinks she needs him to be. These girls need to let go of their pain and disappointment, learn to let daddy be who he is, and accept the love he freely offers. This is where they will find joy.
I am at this moment (and all moments) in the presence of the one who loves me more than anyone will ever love me. But usually I can’t let him. Why? Because of deep wounds in me that prevent it. I carry anger and resentment that God is not who I thought he was – who I think I need him to be. I need to let go of my pain and disappointment, learn to let God be who he is, and accept the love he freely offers. I know this is where I will find joy. God, I am here this weekend praying for the healing of wounds that keep me from taking what you freely offer, and what I most need.
May 11, 2012 in
GODSTUFF with
People should be extremely careful before using “but the Bible says” as a way to defend their own behaviors or condemn those of others. Here are some hilarious questions that taking the Bible literally could raise.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine says that applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
4. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 31:14 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police do it?
5. Lev. 21:20 says that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
6. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?
7. I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
8. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary to go through all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev 24: 10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev 20:14)?
–Source unknown
This, by the way, applies as much to atheists as it does to Christians. Many atheists have a terrible habit of trying to use the Bible to disprove or invalidate the beliefs of Christians. This is like trying to tell the resident of a certain city what the vibe of that city is, even though you don’t live there. The resident may or may not agree with you, but as a non-resident, you are hardly qualified to make that judgment.
“But the Bible says,” rarely furthers conversation in a productive way and people on both sides of the debate should avoid it.
May 10, 2012 in
MISCELLANY with
Despite having a B.S. in Clinical Psychology and an M.A. in Counseling, I don’t read a lot of “straight” psychology books. Often they are boring and extremely theoretical. I tend to read practical psychology books, the kind that most others would find interesting in this category. A rare exception to this makes up my first choice today:
1. Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. Frankl (a psychiatrist) and his family were imprisoned in a Nazi concentration camp. In this challenging, galling, depressing, and yet extremely moving account, Frankl theorizes that people and circumstances can rob you of everything you have in the world except the thing that matters most , which is your ability to choose your attitude in any and every situation. This idea is now one of the foundations of modern psychotherapy. Even if you are not a frequent reader of books in this category, do yourself the favor of reading this one soon. You won’t regret it.
2. The Road Less Traveled, by M. Scott Peck. This gazillion seller contains one of the most thoughtful meldings of psychology and spirituality I have seen. Read it and you will understand yourself better and you will be better equipped to love those around you.
3. Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero. This one may not be that interesting to my readers who are more secularly-minded, but it is fantastic with the idea of accepting responsibility for one’s emotional and spiritual growth and how growth happens.
