Ultimately all you really have to give to another person is yourself. And that is enough. Presence is the most powerful force in the universe, humanly speaking. When I go to hospitals to visit sick and scared people, they already know I can’t fix them and they don’t expect me to. What they really need is someone who refuses to succumb to fear. They and their family are likely lost in anxiety. Often their minds are darting everywhere, looking at every possibility, begging and bargaining with God, unable to get away from frightening possibilities at every turn. Continue Reading…
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Marriage Danger Signs
I was on NBC 25 News this morning doing a segment about signs that you may be dangerously close to divorce. My remarks were based substantially on the work of Dr. John Gottman, who has probably done more research on marriage than any other person in the country. I highly recommend his books.
Introverts, your life is calling
This post is for that 30-40% of the U.S. population who are introverts. [Not sure if you're an introvert or an extrovert? Take this online assessment to find out.] Yep, I’m writing to YOU. It’s an extroverted world in many ways, isn’t it? That’s why you feel so uncomfortable so much of the time. But your life is calling.
I was standing in the “express” lane at Walmart the other day, and the longer line that I had just left in favor of a shorter line was making a lot of progress while my line — wasn’t. And then it happened. The woman ahead of me turned around and commented about the line being slow. Now on nearly every other day except this one, I would have nodded and said either, “Yeah,” or else nothing at all, and then looked down at the floor, indicating I had nothing to say. That is how introverts often handle small talk with strangers — awkwardly, and probably often leaving the other person feeling snubbed. I’m pretty sure things like that are the reason why so many extroverts think we introverts are rude or arrogant. But introverts, we know the truth: we’re just scared to death. Continue Reading…
Embracing Powerlessness, prt. 4 — “Are you telling me to be a doormat?”
If you have read all the posts in this series, you may by now thinking that what I am suggesting here is that you simply give up and become a doormat; that you resign yourself to being walked on by everybody, letting life steamroll you, and settling for whatever scraps fall from everyone else’s table. That is the furthest thing from what I am suggesting.
Embracing powerlessness is all about attitude. It is not throwing your hands up and saying, “I give up, what the hell, I’m never gonna get anything anyway.” Truly embracing powerlessness leads to also embracing the places and situations where you can really effect change. It is not a hopeless surrender to the relentless tides of the world. It is knowing that, even if the tides should carry you away, you can still have peace and happiness. Anything less is not truly embracing powerlessness, for despair and hopelessness suggest that you have still not let go of the idea that life owes you something. Continue Reading…
Embracing Powerlessness, prt. 3
I said in my last post that in this one I would explore our true power. If you are just coming to my blog and have not read the two earlier posts in this series, please check them out before you read this one, because I am convinced that you will never understand your true power until you have come to grips with, and understood, the extent to which you are powerless. You will never embrace your true power until you know what it is — and what it isn’t.
Your true power lies in the only place — and I repeat, the ONLY place — that you have true control, true say, true influence: your own actions and attitudes. Yes, I have truly written two posts and part of a third one in order to give you the cliche, “You can only change yourself.” This cliche can never sound like anything but a cliche until you grasp how deeply, frighteningly true it is. But when you do the work of confronting your powerlessness, this is all you are left with, and it comes as a relief. “At least there’s something I can change!”
The good news is, this is what matters most. Imagine how your life would feel if you were unable to feel angry or anxious. Continue Reading…
