Some who read my last post might be tempted to think, “Dude, what’s up with the raw emotion there? You obviously had some crappy experiences.” And anyone who thinks that would be right.

All of us are going through life reacting to early experiences; in school, with our parents, with friends, (Freud would say with potty training), and with church. Of course I am reacting to early experiences. And to later ones, for that matter. Unless you grew up in the church, you cannot understand exactly what’s happening here.

The church embraces and espouses some of the most noble messages on earth. Love, refusal to judge, dignity for every person — those are great universal themes that appear in the Bible and in many other religious books. Every Christian church will feature sermons on these themes. But when it comes to actual practice, many churches carry on as if they have never even read the Bible at all. Others are strict literalists about things like getting tattoos, but seem to be unfamiliar with passages about love. Some can break their understanding of sin down into minute detail, but have such a narrow understanding of grace that it can no longer even serve as the “cure” for sin that the New Testament suggests.

To grow up in this environment, where these great themes are taught, but so often not practiced, creates massive dissonance for many people. So many of the people who come to Wildwind report incredible cases of abuse — pastors and teachers who said unconscionable things to them when they were at vulnerable places in their spiritual journeys. Where in God’s name have churches and spiritual leaders gotten off in treating people (the people Christ loved and – we believe – gave his life for) with such irreverance?

So yes, this experience does create a kind of post-traumatic stress for some people. It certainly has for me. Some decide the whole enterprise is bogus and just walk out. Others remain but become cynics. Still others work desperately to be honest about where the church has gone wrong and lovingly (although firmly) get it back on track. That is what we are trying to do at Wildwind. We are not perfect, but we are trying to keep ‘the main thing the main thing.”

Trust me — this only appears simple. But if it were, all churches would be doing it. And those of us trying to do it would be doing it better.

The Hebrew word translated “peace” is “shalom.” But “shalom” does not mean “peace” in the way Americans think of peace. We tend to think of peace as simply the absence of conflict. When America is not at war, we say we are at peace.

This is not what God means when he says “Peace.” When God says “peace” (pretty much anytime you encounter the word “peace” in the Old Testament), what it actually means is a state of complete wholeness — that all the various pieces and parts of your life fit together well, and are in unison with each other.

Over and over again in the book of Isaiah, God says he wants the Hebrews to have shalom (wholeness and deep well-being). The problem is that they’re content (for a while) with just having peace (absence of conflict). The worst problems I have seen in the 13 years I have been pastoring and counseling are from the efforts people make to have peace and avoid shalom. We’re content (for a while) in our marriages and work relationships just to have an absence of conflict. As long as we’re not fighting, we’ll inch along day by day. We’re content with peace in our lives and don’t pursue or pray for shalom.

But even when we find peace, we still sense something is missing. Because God created us to crave wholeness and unity and deep well-being. You are created for shalom. Your spirit needs it. You were not created in half, you were created whole! And you will never rest content until you stop taking the easy way of peace and start the hard work of shalom, which always means facing the truth. Truth is the way of shalom. It could never be otherwise.

President Bush is talking about bringing peace to the Middle East. When he says that, what does he mean? Yep. A permanent cessation to fighting and violence. Forget about shalom, we’ll just settle for peace. Is this how low our standards are? We’re okay squeaking by with cessation of violence, when God stands waiting to start a massive plague of love? We’re okay joining protests for peace when God invites us to join him in the worldwide revolution he began thousands of years ago and still continues today? You say, “Dave, this isn’t a Christian country – it’s not a Christian world, peace is the best we can do.”

Yep. Quite a predicament we’re in, isn’t it? We are so short-sighted. And so naive. That’s why every effort we make to find peace in our days on this twisted, broken planet amounts to nothing and leaves us empty. You need shalom, and God can bring it. Nations need shalom and God can, and one day will, bring it. Until then, you must choose for yourself. Been married once, twice, three times? I’ll bet every time you married, you did it hoping for peace. And I’ll bet every time you divorced (if you have), you (or your partner!) did it hoping for peace. And then when you remarried, you were hoping for peace. Meanwhile, your spirit craves shalom and always will. God says shalom comes from recognizing the sacredness of marriage and learning to keep moving forward in it. But shalom is harder than peace, isn’t it? Because shalom requires truth. Got an addiction? When you gamble, or drink, or shoot up, it’s shalom you actually crave. Peace is always temporary, isn’t it? Anger problem? It’s not peace you need, it’s shalom. Tired of how hard it sometimes seems to live the Christian life? It’s not peace you need, it’s shalom. Shalom only comes from (here we go…) facing truth and conforming your life to it in every way, and then learning God’s laws for your life and committing to follow them at any cost.

If we think we’ve nailed that down because we go to church and small group, we’re in for a big surprise. If that was how to find shalom, why are marriages still on the rocks? That’s not shalom. Why are finances dreadful? That’s not shalom. Why are kids feeling neglected by their parents? That’s not shalom. Why do people whine and complain and criticize? That’s not shalom. All you who read this right now and are about to make a decision simply because you’re tired of the way things are and you want a change – that may be the way of peace, but it is not the way of shalom. You will soon find yourself empty again.

Praying shalom to you.

photo by lorrainemd

In my previous post I mentioned that the mission of the church I pastor is to help people find, face, and follow truth.  Pastors and counselors are people who deal in truth.  Of course one of the main causes of so many of the problems people are dealing with is falsehood — failure to find the truth or, having found it, to face up to its reality or, having faced it squarely, failure to follow the truth wherever it might lead.  Often people come into the counseling office because they believe deeply in mythologies about themselves and/or about others.  And since what we believe affects how we feel, and how we feel usually determines how we act, we cannot consistently act in productive and healthy ways if we are acting from false beliefs.

This is why denial is such a powerful concept in psychology. Sigmund Freud called denial a “defense mechanism.”  I call it one of our default ways of coping with reality:  just pretend reality is not real.  Ironically, when we pretend reality is not real, we  then must live as if unreality is real.  (Does it surprise us that there are consequences for this?)  At this moment people you love are living in fantasy, unreality, denial (pick your word).  It may involve their drinking, or eating.  It may involve their approach to managing money.  It may involve their philosophy of life.  It may involve their closest relationships (including their relationship with you).  It may involve their ideas about themselves or God.  We can live on multiple levels of falsehood at a time, and that’s true even if we see ourselves as being dedicated to honesty and authenticity. We can also be firmly dedicated to truth in some areas of our lives, and just as firmly planted in falsehood in other areas.

It is not easy to live in truth.  At least not in the short-run.