The Endless Machinations of Ego

May 9, 2012 in GODSTUFF with 2 Comments

I think Richard Rohr is one of the best writers and teachers of Christian spirituality on the scene at this time. He sent out a meditation today which, in my opinion, is his best encapsulation of the endless schemes and machinations of ego. Spirituality is never more dangerous than when it is used to furnish the cavernous mansion of ego. Rohr writes,

CONTEMPLATION IN ACTION

We don’t teach meditation to the young monks. They are not ready for it until they stop slamming doors.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh to Thomas Merton in 1966

The piercing truth of this statement struck me as a perfect way to communicate the endless disguises and devices of the false self. There is no more clever way for the false self to hide than behind the mask of spirituality. The human ego will always try to name, categorize, fix, control, and insure all its experiences. For the ego everything is a commodity. It lives inside of self-manufactured boundaries instead of inside the boundaries of the God-self. It lives out of its own superior image instead of mirroring the image of God. The ego is constantly searching for any solid and superior identity. A spiritual self-image gives us status, stability, and security. There is no better way to remain unconscious than to baptize and bless the forms of religion, even prayer itself, instead of surrendering to the Substance Itself. First stop slamming doors, and then you can begin in the kindergarten of spirituality. Too many priests, bishops, and ministers are still slamming doors.

In the name of seeking God, the ego pads and protects itself from self-discovery, which is an almost perfect cover for its inherent narcissism. I know this because I have done it all myself.

I have been a pastor for 18 years. During most of that time I was a teacher of religion. A few years ago I decided I needed to teach Christian spirituality, which is to depart from merely teaching the mechanics and beliefs of a religious system (however good and important and valuable they may be) and move towards teaching time-tested ways of experiencing God personally. Rohr’s words above should be read and studied and contemplated until their meaning becomes perfectly clear because he is right. To slam doors is to continue to fortify the ego. Slamming doors can be understood as all the manifestations of ego — anger that we excuse as justifiable; attempts to force our opinions, ideas and perspectives on others; attempts to force others to change; verbal, emotional, and physical manipulation; endless clamoring for attention and validation from others, along with the depression and discouragement we wallow in when those attempts fail; constant cravings for recognition; comparing ourselves against others; feeling superior to and inferior to others; turning to things like food, substances, and pornography to comfort ourselves — the list is endless. All of these come out of the machinations of ego, and of all these religion is the most dangerous.

Religion is the best possible cover for ego because it hides itself in the things of God. Under the guise of religion I can try to force you to do what I want to because what I want and what God wants are synonymous. I can manipulate you into changing because the change might well be good and necessary and so I can justify any means of getting you to do it. I can whine and complain about whatever I wish and then simply claim I’m not yet spiritual enough to be able to control myself. This is especially dangerous because it looks like humility but it is simply ego finding one more way of justifying itself.

All of this is the endless scheming and machinations of ego. It is garbage.  Shit, as Paul called it. Ego simply has to be faced down or it will continue to be the controlling factor behind everything we do and say. Like Rohr, I know this because I have spent most of my life — even my life in ministry — hiding behind it. Not intentionally. Ego depends on us never seeing it for what it is because as soon as we do we realize it is a shadow — a sham — a falsehood. It is only when we get a glimpse of the ego that we realize for the first time we have lived our entire lives, spiritual and otherwise, in the matrix. And as soon as we see the matrix for what it is, that is the beginning of the end of ego. That will feel like the scariest and worst thing that has ever happened to us, but it is in that moment that — perhaps without realizing it — we have been taken up into the freedom of God.

Mistakes parents make, prt. 1

May 8, 2012 in COUNSELING with 2 Comments

My wife and I had breakfast this morning with a young couple who have a baby.  They are obviously excellent parents.  It seems that the skills to be a great parent come naturally to some couples, but not to others. Ever seen Supernanny?  Do kids have to be that wretchedly misbehaved before we could agree 1) that parents can be sincere but inept, and 2) that there seem to be some common mistakes parents tend to make?  Continue Reading…

My top book recommendations: Leadership

May 8, 2012 in MISCELLANY with 3 Comments

When in doubt, wave a flag

Andrew Becraft, “Leadership” September 25, 2006 via Flickr, Creative Commons

Mark Twain said there is little difference between a person who can’t read and a person who doesn’t. So true, and one of the surest signs that a person needs to read is that he/she has no use for it. Similarly, one of the first things you learn when you begin reading is how critical reading is. My next several posts will deal with my top book recommendations in a number of categories. We begin today with leadership.

I’m sick of leadership books. Then again I probably only have the luxury of saying that because I have read hundreds of them. By the time you have read a hundred leadership books (and perhaps far fewer), you realize that leadership is more art than science. Still, there are books that are essential in the field.

  1. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, by John Maxwell. For some reason John seems to ignite controversy but I think he’s just blunt, which is, I think, a fairly good way to get at the truth. This book is a must-read. It has the distinction of being the only book on leadership I would recommend to you if I knew you were only going to read one.
  2. Good to Great, by Jim Collins. Now-legendary book about how organizations leap across the chasm that separates good from great. Well-written, and based on solid research.
  3. The Contrarian’s Guide to Leadership, by Steven Sample. The leadership book for people who are tired of leadership books.
  4. The Servant, by James Hunter. This book is written in an accessible allegory format, for those who prefer fiction. It is a book about the soul of leadership.
  5. Leadership, by Rudolph Giuliani. Although I no longer see as eye to eye with Giuliani as I used to politically, one must give credit where credit is due. Giuliani inspired America with his leadership after 9/11, and in this book he explains that he did it simply by following the same routines he had followed for years. A great book about the habits of an effective leader.
Question: What are your favorite books on leadership? Any in my top five that you think need to be demoted?

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A Body of Broken Bones, prt. 1

May 6, 2012 in GODSTUFF with Comments Off

All over the face of the earth the avarice and lust of men and women breed unceasing divisions among them, and the wounds that tear them from union with one another widen and open out into huge wars. Murder, massacres, revolution, hatred, the slaughter and torture of the bodies and souls of men and women, the destruction of cities by fire, the starvation of millions, the annihilation of populations and finally the cosmic inhumanity of atomic war: Christ is massacred in His members, torn limb from limb; God is murdered in men and women.

The history of the world, with the material destruction of cities and nations and people,. expresses the interior division that tyrannizes the souls of all men and women, and even of the saints.

Even the innocent, even those in whom Christ lives by love, even those who want with their whole heart to love one another, remain divided and separate…

As long as we are on earth, the love that unites us will bring us suffering by our very contact with one another, because this love is the resetting of a Body of broken bones. Even saints cannot live with saints on this earth without some anguish, without some pain at the differences that come between them.

There are two things which men and women can do about the pain of disunion with other men and women. They can love or they can hate.

Hatred recoils from the sacrifice and the sorrow that are the price of this resetting of bones. It refuses the pain of reunion.

There is in every weak, lost and isolated member of the human race an agony of hatred born of their own helplessness, their own isolation. Hatred is the sign and the expression of loneliness, of unworthiness, or insufficiency. And in so far as each of us is lonely, is unworthy, each one hates him/herself. Some of us are aware of this self-hatred, and because of it we reproach ourselves and punish ourselves needlessly. [But] punishment cannot cure the feeling that we are unworthy. There is nothing we can do about it as long as we feel that we are isolated, insufficient, helpless, alone.

Others, who are less conscious of their own self-hatred, realize it in a different form by projecting it onto others. There is a proud and self-confident hate, strong and cruel, which enjoys the pleasure of hating, for it is directed outward to the unworthiness of the another. But this strong and happy hate does not realize that like all hate, it destroys and consumes the [one] that hates, and not the object that is hated. Hate in any form is self-destructive, and even when it triumphs physically it triumphs in its own spiritual ruin.

Strong hate, the hate that takes joy in hating, is strong because it does not believe itself to be unworthy and alone. It feels the support of a justifying God, of an idol of war, an avenging and destroying spirit. From such blood-drinking gods the human race was once liberated, with great toil and terrible sorrow, by the death of a God Who delivered Himself to the Cross and suffered the pathological cruelty of His own creatures out of pity for them. In conquering death He opened their eyes to the reality of a love which asks no questions about worthiness, a love which overcomes hatred and destroys death. But men and women have now come to reject this divine revelation of pardon, and they are consequently returning to the old war gods, the gods that insatiably drink the blood and eat the flesh of men and women. It is easier to serve the hate gods because they thrive on the worship of collective fanaticism. To serve the hate gods, one has only to be blinded by collective passion. To serve the God of Love, one must be free, one must face the terrible responsibility to love in spite of all unworthiness, whether in oneself or in one’s neighbor.

From Thomas Merton’s New Seeds of Contemplation, ch. 4 (pp. 71-74)

The Church Stinks…

May 4, 2012 in GODSTUFF with 3 Comments

From an email I sent to my church today…

In the last few weeks I have done a lot of thinking about the church. Not merely this church, but the whole North American church. I have come to some realizations more clearly than ever before and I’m going to tell you what they are, but please prepare for some honesty and frankness.

It’s time to just say it.  Folks, to me, the church stinks. Church-as-usual I mean.  I’m not a fan of boring sermons, of music that sounds like you’ve blasted a hundred years back in time, of stuffy suits, of marquis with cheesy slogans on them out by the road, and of having to mind your p’s and q’s so much that you feel like a fake anytime you even come close to acting like the person you really are. I’m not a fan of feeling like I have to use spiritual language so that people will know I’m seeking God.

The Lord told me this is what we should do, instead of “Let’s do this.”
God’s vision for Wildwind involves… instead of “Here’s my vision.”
How’s your spiritual life, instead of “Tell me how you are doing, really.”

The fact is I don’t, and never have, cared about the “code language” that helps one Christian identify another. I have noticed that most people at Wildwind don’t seem to either, and that’s one reason why I love our church. Mostly, I’m not a fan of churches where people who are struggling can’t be honest about that. I’m thankful that I pastor and attend a church where I can be honest about things, even as pastor, and still be seen as someone who wants God in my life.

Wildwind will continue to be about what it has always been about. Honesty. The pursuit of a godly life together in an honest way. Honesty says I don’t know all, or even most, of the answers just because I’m the pastor. (In fact, as pastor I am simply the “chief seeker.”) Honesty admits that the lives we all lead publicly are usually the cleaned-up and pressed versions of the ones we live in private. Honesty admits that our actions and language are usually different Monday through Saturday than they are on Sundays and understands that we’re neither any better, nor any worse, than the person sitting next to us. Instead of trying to muster up spiritual feelings on Sunday mornings before we get to church, honesty understands that staggering into church broken sometimes is what it’s all about — after all, we just might find healing there. Wildwind’s core value that covers honesty, is authenticity.

I can’t tell you how many times I have staggered into church broken in the past few months. Even so I have found, and continue to find, healing at Wildwind Church. And it is not a building that is healing me, but the people who are Wildwind. It is you who listen to me tell you sometimes that I am lost, and yet are willing to continue to follow; you who know I am not who I wish I could be, yet have faith that somehow — like you — I’m okay with God; you who walk this road with me in small group, through encouraging notes you send to me, through continuing to believe I have something worthwhile to say to you, even though you know I’m not always a genius at managing my own life.

Let Wildwind always be that place. After all, I know if I can find not judgment but healing and grace there, it is available to everyone. I’m the one up front, therefore I’m the easiest target — the one easiest to hit with stones of judgment, and the one held to the highest standard (as it should be). And yet I have received not one single email or call from someone sitting in judgment of my recent struggles. Please know that no matter where you are, what you are struggling with, or how messed up you feel inside, there is grace for you. I have been on the receiving end of that grace, and I know there is plenty left for all who need it.

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