I think the emerging church should disappear and then emerge again – as something entirely different.  I think it should do that every five years, in that emerging church spirit of always wanting something new and hip.  I think it should emerge with great fanfare, set to music, preferably with people dancing and looking deeply spiritual and yet somehow extremely sexual at the same time.  And of course it should do all of this in the name of authenticity and keeping it real.

And naturally each new emerging should be recorded and broadcast to “non-emergent” churches everywhere to help the rest of us emerge.  There should be instructions for exactly how to emerge — words to say, words to avoid, directions on taking over other “less successful” churches in the area to start “satellite” churches, marketing, the whole spiel.  Asking price should be no less than $80.00 per packet.

This would be good.  After all, the biggest problem in the church, surely, is that we are not hip enough, right?  My senior year of high school each of us seniors got to leave a parting quote, or life plan, for the underclassmen, and those words were bound in a book and distributed.  Mine says something about “joining a band and teaching this world what Jesus rock and roll is all about.”  Great.  Jack Black evangelism.  “Come to Jesus, man, and see how he will rock you and totally melt your face off.”

I never did join that band and show the world what Jesus rock and roll is all about.  (They still don’t get it, and I’m not sure why they should.)  The truth is, I grew up.  I quit thinking that what God really needs is someone to make the message cooler.  This is not to disparage artists who are trying to do quality art and who cannot authentically do that without mentioning God. I’m referring to that mindset I used to have, that what we really need to do is get more people to think this whole God-thing is cool. Continue Reading…